By Kristy Moore,
Contributing Writer
I was raised in a strong Christian family in which both my parents were highly involved in the church. Right from early on I was immersed and surrounded by other believers who began to influence my beliefs and shape my life as a Christian. I first remember accepting Christ at the age of 5 one evening with the help of my Mom. My childhood was filled with happy memories amongst family and friends. However, one night when I was 6 years old, my parents came into my room to let me know that the mother of a close friend of mine up the street had tragically passed away that night in a car accident. For many years afterwards I struggled to be away from my family and home. Sleepovers, summer camp were very challenging for me to attend due to a high level of anxiety and fear.
When I was a teen I attended an annual youth conference with my youth group. It was here that I first remember being overwhelmed with emotion during the worship sessions. It was during this time that I felt a strong sense to rededicate my life to Christ. However, this did not bring freedom as I still continued to struggle with anxiety.
From an early age I always knew I wanted to be a teacher and this took me to the University of Alberta to pursue my Bachelor of Education. As excited as I was to begin this new phase a great fear of failure also arose. I handled the feeling of being out of control with school through controlling my food and exercise. I still attended church and was even involved in Athletes in Action, however, over time as I restricted my food choices and used exercise as a way to handle my fear and anxiety an eating disorder emerged. I am grateful for the care I received at the Eating Disorder Clinics both in Edmonton and Calgary, but upon being released from the program I still lived with an underlying sense of anxiety.
I was fortunate to begin my teaching career with the Calgary Board of Education shortly after graduation. It was during this time that I began attending Centre Street Church. At this point in my life I hoped to fulfill a deep desire to get married, start a family and one day move into leadership. I was able to find a great women’s small group through Axis, the college and career group at Centre Street and became involved in different ministry areas at the church. Over time my career goals were progressing as I gained experience in many different classroom settings, but my desire to get married, as I saw so many of my friends doing, wasn’t happening. Instead of turning to God I again used control to fix things. I became increasingly busy through extra-curricular activities and groups, but this just increased the overall sense of anxiety in my life.
In 2013 I graduated with my Masters in Education and was ready to take the next step into leadership. Having fulfilled my academic requirements I was promoted to a Learning Leader position with my career. However, over the next several months the nagging fear of failure strongly reappeared. I once again controlled this anxiety through people pleasing. I was unaware of how all my energy and time went into pleasing and proving my ‘worth’ to others. That all came to a halt on March 3rd, 2016. I woke up that morning and noticed that the back half of my tongue felt thick and tingly. During those next few days I experienced dizziness, headaches and tingling. I went to my family doctor who brushed it off as stress. Over the next few weeks, my symptoms increased and I was convinced that something was horribly wrong. I was sent for a CT Scan, blood tests and even a referral to the MS clinic to set my mind at east. Yet still the anxiety and fear set in strong. Every pain, tingle, and headache caused me to become overwhelmed with fear. In August 2016 my fears became reality when an MRI indicated an abnormal spot on my brain. I was then referred to the MS Clinic at the Foothills hospital. The anxiety and fears that had lingered for the last several months were becoming a reality. I was convinced that I would never get to fulfill my deepest desires in life because MS was about to become a reality. However it was during this time that God’s voice became very clear to me. The words of LaurenDaigle’s song ‘Trust in You’ became my life song. I would frequently wake up to have the words playing over in my mind. My bathroom mirror was filled with scripture that God led me to all around His plan for my life. The busyness of life came to a stop as I buried myself in God’s word and surrounded myself with the love of my small group and Missional Community.
During this time of awaiting a ‘diagnosis’, the words in the popular song, ‘No Longer Slaves’ spoke to me in a new way. I realized that no matter where life was taking me, I didn’t have to be a slave to fear, but rather because of Christ, could live in freedom.
In March 2017 my appointment at the MS clinic indicated that I would need a second MRI due to the first result being inconclusive. After a few weeks, the second MRI results came back clear. This mysterious spot was gone! The neurologist had no explanation for the first result. I was released from the clinic in late April 2017 with a clear diagnosis of MS, Lyme or any other related disease, Regardless of what my results indicated, it didn’t matter because during this time I had found true freedom in Christ. I understood what it meant to be liberated from the bondage of fear and now I live a life of intention wanting others to also experience this newly found freedom.